God's Glory and Miscarriage

"The quantitative HCG results are not looking good," … “Prepare for miscarriage.” This is not what I wanted to hear in regards to our new pregnancy. As Matt and I faced the reality of our first miscarriage, questions swirled around in my head, “What caused this pregnancy to fail? Is it my fault? Will this happen again? Does God not want me to have children?” Since October 2011 we have suffered 4 miscarriages. My eyes have cried more tears in the past year than I have in my entire life. The physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual pain that has come with each loss is difficult to describe.  Sometimes I just feel numb, frozen and helpless at the thought of barrenness. At times I can relate quite literally to David’s words in Psalm 6 as he cries out, 

“Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long? Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love. I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.”

Regardless of how I feel, I have faith in the Lord. He is in control of everything that has and will happen on this journey. I have faith in Him to carry out His plans to further His kingdom and bring Himself glory. I don’t understand why God has taken these babies to be with Him so soon, but I trust Him. Solomon writes in Ecclesiastes, “As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.” Some questions are not for us to know the answer.

I need the sufficiency of Christ when confronted with the insufficiencies of this world. And you know what the most incredible part is? Jesus is by my side through it all, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10)

Matt and I don’t pretend that we know how this is going to pan out, but we trust in these words, "The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken. In that day they will say, 'Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us. This is the LORD, we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation.'" (Isaiah 25:8, 9)

As you are reading this would you pray for us as we continue to put our trust in the Lord. Pray that by God’s grace and mercy we would be able to carry a child to viability. Pray for the doctors over us doing testing, if there is anything that can be treated medically that the Lord would reveal that to them. Pray diagnosis would be accurate and helpful in future pregnancies. Pray most importantly that the Lord be glorified in and through our lives. We covet your prayers!